We Tried Big Brother Slop And Didn't Hate It

It's summertime and the Big Brother fans are out in full force!  I have a few family members that are incredibly obsessed with the show and though I admit I haven't been a loyal follower throughout Big Brother's impressive 19 season run, I've been known to have a few short-lived binges when I need something easy to watch on a boring night.

Since this is primarily a food blog, I thought I'd take one for the team and do a taste test of the infamous Big Brother Slop - the punishment diet given to the Have-Nots, the title given to contestants for losing challenges or other competitions.  Along with eating Slop morning, noon, and night, the Have-Nots must also sleep in a special bedroom and take cold showers.

Watching the contestants react to the Slop diet makes it seem like pure and utter torture, but just how bad is it really?

Because we will try anything and everything, and because we want to try anything and everything... we had to make it.  So I looked up the official recipe that was tweeted by CBS earlier this summer.

When I saw the recipe, I admit I was a little disappointed, because "slop" is little more than steel cut oatmeal fortified with protein and some kind of vitamin supplement.  Really?  Oatmeal?  That's what everyone is fussing about?

I mean yeah, steel cut oats are pretty polarizing - they have quite a different texture than traditional rolled oats - but the flavor is more or less the same.  And adding protein powder to oatmeal is nothing new or weird - fitness enthusiasts have been making "proats" for years.

I whipped up a small portion of Slop, held my breath, and took a taste.  Yeah, sure, it was pretty bland and tasteless, much like any plain oatmeal.  The steel cut oats are chewier than rolled oats and the addition of the supplement powders adds an odd metallic taste and a sludgy texture.  Eaten as-is, I can see what everyone is complaining about, as it would start to feel soul-crushing to only have a bowl of this mush waiting for you for every meal day in and day out.

But there's a loophole.  The contestants are allowed to dress up their Slop with any pre-approved condiments, including: balsamic vinegar, olive oil, red wine vinegar, rice vinegar, vegetable oil, hot sauce, ketchup, BBQ sauce, mayonnaise, mustard, pickles, olives, relish, salsa, soy sauce, steak sauce, Worcestershire sauce, honey, maple syrup, black pepper, garlic salt, crushed red pepper, salt, vanilla, basil, bay leaves, cinnamon, leaf oregano, paprika, parsley, rosemary, brown sugar, artificial sweetener, powder creamer, white sugar, coffee, tea, protein powder, and milk.

That's the game changer right there.  Contestants that are already oatmeal lovers are in business.  Add a little milk, some honey, and some cinnamon and you've got yourself a totally normal meal.

... but why is mayonnaise on that list?  I love mayonnaise and I can see being 5 days deep in the Slop Diet and getting desperate for something different, but nothing in this world could convince me to put mayo on a bowl of oatmeal.

Other than getting boring and monotonous to eat the same thing all day every day, Slop really isn't all that bad.  If they really wanted to punish the Have-Nots, they could take away the condiments.  That would have me crying and clawing at the pants leg of a producer, begging for a burger.

(psst - if you look closely at the photo above you can see my awesome pink plaid pajama shorts.  I basically wear them all summer long)

Here's the recipe!  This makes a huge batch, so feel free to cut it down to more realistic proportions.

Official Big Brother Slop Recipe

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• Author: Erin Browne
• Total Time: 32 mins
• Yield: 14 servings 1x

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Ingredients

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• 3.5 cups uncooked steel cut oats
• ¾ cup + 2 TBS unflavored whey protein powder (try this one)
• ½ cup unflavored soy protein (find here)
• 4 tsp vitamin and mineral powder (this is what I had around)
• 12 cups water

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Instructions

1. In a large pot, bring the water to a boil. Add the oats and reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer uncovered for 25-30 minutes, stirring here and there until the liquid has been absorbed and the oats are tender.
2. Remove from heat and allow to cool for one minute. Stir in the whey and soy proteins and the vitamin and mineral powder. Serve with approved condiments only, or else!

• Prep Time: 2 mins
• Cook Time: 30 mins

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